Our daughter might be "annoying'

Short questions: if our daughter is putting off her classmates and friends, should we leave it mostly to her peers to tell her? Or should we keep telling her? Or let it be?

Our daughter becomes unusually animated when she’s hanging around her friends (virtually of course). Sing-songy, often loud speech, often repetitive and doting-- kind of the best ways I could define it. At the same time, most of her friends are pretty reserved (or maybe suppressed by our daughter’s energy?). We have noticed that some of her online friends seemed put off by it. And we don’t know how much insight our daughter has. And one friend has actually dropped off discussions because of it (they told her she was “annoying” when my daughter asked why they dropped off ).

Not sure if she’s gaining better insight over time and we’ve gently reminded her in the past. So do we let her continue to be her earnest self, or try to reign her in?

Would love to hear people’s thoughts. Thanks in advance.

I love this question. I have considered it a lot but don’t have much besides commiseration. My 14yo boy has always been overly demonstrative with friends. I remember buying a book called “Personal Space Camp” when he was younger. I try to take the approach that these acquaintances may not give him direct feedback but I try to help him connect the dots between his behavior and their response. Of course it’s mostly speculation so I leave it up to him to decide what to do about it.


I think it’s absolutely normal as they figure out who they are and I wouldn’t want to lower their self-confidence by saying anything. TheIt friends are probable not aware because they are doing it too. They need us to be their biggest fans. Not be critical. Just supportive and adoring of who they are.


I’ve found it a powerful communicator (of behavior change)to have kids see us try to struggle with an issues and when they see in us what they may need to see in themselves they get it. At the very least it opens a conversation where they can “help” us (and with online rules sometimes we need them to help) and they can talk about it. Getting them talking is key(I find). If you let them talk about what they find annoying in you or others they could then be open to making those parallels with themselves.:grinning:


Wow, I am struggling with something very similar. I’ve started working with my child on recognizing the social cues.
There is now a diagnosis of ADHD (emphasis on the H) and I feel that it is my responsibility to actively help. She is beginning to notice a feeling of being different, which, at first, made her feel sad. Now, she is rather positive about understanding her “super power.”
If she wasn’t so extroverted, I probably wouldn’t feel the need to be so proactive in helping her to observe more. As we are now locked in and around each other every day all day, I get to observe her interactions with friends on a daily basis.
At the same time, the emphasis has to be on building her self-esteem. As a female, 90% of the time, she gets cut less slack for being loud, strong willed, “bossy” and full of never ending energy - especially from the boys she interacts with.
I love what happyshiny7 said about helping them connect the dots between their behaviour and the received response.


Your gentle reminders are perfect.

Some of the smartest and coolest adults i know were “high energy” kids.


My daughter loves YouTube I have deleted it 18 times and she re downloads it what should I do

Hi @melandemma! Welcome to the community! Happy to assist! Depending on the device, there are some things you can do to better safeguard purchases/downloads from the app Stores.

Using iOS Screen Time-
Settings > Screen Time (child's profile) > Content & Privacy Restrictions > iTunes & App Store Purchases > type in your 4-digit Screen Time passcode.

You might consider enabling “Don’t Allow” for Installing Apps, Deleting Apps, and In-app Purchases. You will have to manually change to “Allow” when needing to install an app, and back to “Don’t Allow” when finished.

Using Google Family Link for Androids and Chromebooks-
Controls on Google Play:
Family Link app/website > Select your child > Manage settings > Controls on Google Play > Purchases & download approvals > Require approval for "All content"

Block/Allow Apps:
Family Link app/website > Select your child > Manage settings > Android apps > Click icon to right of app to Block/Allow

For others, here is a handy tool to provide you with all the parental control information you need quickly, easily, and in one location:

If you have any additional questions, please reach out to us any time. >> help@bark.us

I’ve had to tell our daughter to knock it off the spam, emoji, etc. She has to learn from her peers what is acceptable and unacceptable; developmentally speaking, this is the work
of teens.


We had good success with an online video game type program called Centervention. It does a lot of role playing around picking up on social queues from others as well as how to treat others… things like tone and silliness when no one else is acting that way are addressed.


So helpful!! I’ve never heard of this before, and I’m so glad you shared! You’re awesome!

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