Mom and Dad disagree on Tech Rules

My husband and I have differing opinions on what is acceptable for our 13yo. I am stepmom and came into the picture several years ago when the rules (or lack thereof) were already in place. No restrictions on screen time, content, or having the phone in the bedroom. Zero parental controls other than, if I ask for the phone hand it to me now. There was already exposure to shows and movies that I believe were not appropriate for an 8yo.

The initial purpose of the phone was to keep in contact when child was at birth mother’s home, but evolved into everyday continuous use. There was no social media use at the time for FB, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. There was unrestricted access to internet, gaming, messaging, facetime etc.

I expressed my concern and while with me, I enforced more control but have never been fully supported by my husband and he believed in his “good kid” and said the exposure to shows had already happened. As step-mom, there is only so much I could do.

However, our preschooler is wanting to do everything older sibling does and can be exposed to things I need to provide protection from. The foundation was already laid with hubby that the rules were going to be different for the younger one.

With an impressionable 13yo and preschooler I am feeling desperate to control more content and use. I’ve tried Norton Family and IOS controls on the phone, but birth-mom and dad will bypass or ask me to change them so there is more freedom.

Any ideas, articles, studies I can use to help hubby understand my concerns and maybe even allow me to put some more restrictions in place? i.e. no phone in the bedroom, screen time limits, changing his apple account back to a child from adult. :exploding_head: :woman_facepalming:t4:

Thank you for any constructive assistance.

Good luck! All I can say is if your husband is not going to be on the same page as you, it’s probably a fruitless fight. I co-parented with an ex husband and my husbands ex wife. Neither of them felt the same way we did and decided we were just too controlling.
The Ex wife even went so far as to get the daughter another secret phone and told her to keep it hidden from us. Even after at age 14 she was sending pornographic naked pictures to her BF.
My ex was worse. So the thing is, if they can’t see the danger now. They aren’t going to. You can send them every article until you’re blue in the face. Fortunately, my husband agrees with me so for the 2 younger kids, there is content and time control. Bark has a lot of good articles on their website, but if the ex just thinks you’re being controlling with her child, then it probably won’t do much good.

1 Like

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Is there maybe a trusted, wise 3rd party - a friend or anyone - who could talk to your husband to help him hear the risks from someone else? I know that a lot of my daughter’s friends’ parents were resistant until they heard repeatedly from others about the dangers of unfettered access. In one case, there was a rather scary incident with an 11 yo classmate that finally got the attention of a parent. Does the school host parent information nights or anything?