Am I the only parent monitoring my 14 year old?

#1

"Today, in my 14 yo daughter’s cyber law class, the teacher asked about the level of monitoring the students parents did. Apparently mine was the only one whose parent did anything. I have her IG account on my phone and have Quostodio and Life 360. I have the ability to read her texts, IG messages and posts (except disappearing photo DMs, which are many), and can see where she is if needed. Do I do these things all day long? Nope. But this teacher told my daughter that in her opinion, “it was a little much” and that I am a hovering, helicopter mom.

I find this inappropriate and annoying. But this is the world we live in. She is 14."

:star: Original post here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentinggeeks/permalink/337285883568125/

#2

“As a teacher and a mom, I’d have a non-confrontational conversation with the teacher and see where that leads. I’m not saying at all that you shouldn’t trust your daughter, I just know I’ve seen the best of the best, coolest, sweetest kids have a contorted idea of what was said or whatever. If it comes forward that it is in fact what she said, certainly I would have a discussion with the teacher and I’d have the principal involved. It is not her place to make outward public judgements on a parents decision about anything!”

:star: Original post here:

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#3

You are not alone! I monitor my 13 and 15 year old sons’ phones with Bark and spot checks. I take their phones at night. I parent because I care.

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#4

Glad to know we’re in this together!

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#5

I promise you are not the only one! While my daughter is a little younger, all of my friends with kids in their teens are monitoring their children’s devices!!

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#6

My daughter THINKS she’s the only one in the world who is being monitored, but she’s sadly mistaken. Almost everyone I know monitors their teenagers’ phones.

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#7

I was surprised to find out how many parents at our child’s school don’t monitor. I think your child’s teacher should have kept opinions to herself in regards to the level of monitoring you do that suits your family, especially in a classroom setting. If it were me, I’d reach out to this teacher and express politely your distaste in her opinion of monitoring.

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#8

I was able to be part of a teacher in-service training where the director of the school instructed teachers to look for ways to give positive reinforcement to kids if they happen to learn that parents are monitoring their online activity or delaying device acquisition. Granted, it was a private school, so they have more liberty to present a narrow viewpoint, but I loved the fact that the entire faculty was trying to get on board to let the kids know that parents who are monitoring online activity are showing they love you!

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#9

That’s frustrating. I often wonder if I’m the only one. All of that care goes out the window when they go hang out with friends that are completely unmonitored.

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#10

I monitor my 15 and a half year old, and honestly feel the same… None of her friends are monitored by their parents (according to them). Seriously, I’m going to monitor her until she moves out and is off my phone plan. I rarely mention anything I see, BUT I did catch her using money she got from me for someone’s “birthday” and was planning to buy a vape with it. She is a GOOD kid, but even good kids sometimes choose the wrong path when faced with peer pressure. So, you can be certain that I’m going to keep an eye on her as long as possible for safety reasons.

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#11

I also monitor using Bark and soon once she is driving I will do Life 360 I also have parental controls on anything digital in our home including their TVs. But yes there really aren’t many who know about monitoring. Some say it is to much well I hope their child doesn’t respond or friend a complete stranger, because even with monitoring they have the temptation. It is all about protection, it’s very sad that a teacher would say such a thing. In my classroom we always preach internet safety and I applaud those who keep tabs on their kids.

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#12

I use Bark to monitor my sons phone. He knows I monitor and doesn’t give me a problem about us monitoring. He gives me more of a problem when it doesn’t back up and I have to plug it in to back it up as Im taking his phone away from him. LOL!

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#13

I think this is inappropriate for her to say. We have seen all too many stories to show that parents do need to do a better job monitoring their kids’ phones and social media. You need to have a conversation with this teacher.

#14

I agree with what others are saying & what you are doing I monitor my 12 & 14 y/o with Bark, Google Family Link, Eero & anything else I can get my hands on. We talk about things together and it opens a discussion about important topics not only tech related.

I work in tech as an engineer and find all of this super important for parents to do. IMHO it sounds like this comment came from a teacher with no kids of his/her own and no grasp on what we face today as parents. Keep fighting the good fight! I’m sure our kids will thank us someday

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#15

I can relate to feeling like very few parents are monitoring. I’m thankful to have forums like this to share and connect with likeminded parents so I know I’m not alone.
I monitor my 3 kids. My oldest is 17, a daughter. I use BARK and Life360 along with iPhone screen time controls. I suppose I’ll have to start thinking about how to transition to her being more independent when she turns 18. I rarely mention the alerts I get from BARK anymore. She’s a good kid and most things I feel are pretty age appropriate. The occasional swear word from her friends, rarely her which I find funny. And a friend has talked about depression and suicide which I discussed with my daughter so she knew how to handle it. I must confess. A lot of the alerts are my text conversations with her, lol. Yep, I’m that mom. :face_with_symbols_over_mouth: Lol.

1 Like
#16

I’m Cybersecurity Analyst . I had my 14yo son sign the IT agreement . It’s a privilege - not a right . Within one week I caught him sexting through Snapchat . The issue is that laws have not caught up with IT culture . If my son and your daughter sexted photos of each other ( which does happen) . Most state laws say BOTH of them can be charged with solicitation and possession of child pornography . This has happened in PA, VA, and NC . If any adult has had a sexting convo with another adult - we all know how quickly those convos can turn … it’s a quick slippery slope . PLUS it’s my phone - he’s just BORROWING it . You are within your right to monitor your daughter . This culture is way different than the one we were raised in with many more dangers . When they are 18 - go for it , you can get your own phone - until then … consider it a privilege I allow you to have

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#17

Hi Everyone, this is a great thread and it is the very reason why I founded @fortsafety. I realized that there had to be an nonprofit out there that worked with like minded organizations (like @bark, schools, business, colleges, and churches) to shine a light on what we do, see, and feel while online.

NOTE: I said “we”. We tell our audiences that the best way to implement a family centric cyber safety plan is to have EVERYONE on the plan…not just the kids. The kids feel criminalized otherwise. You tell your kids that the content online isn’t healthy for adults either: so we are ALL going to put BARK and filtering on our phones. That way nothing is in the dark. Mom sees Dad’s phone, kids see Moms phone…etc. We get the biggest push back from the Dads about this…but we work with families to overcome that resistance. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

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#18

Oh, and one more tip: I saw that several of you are using Life360 for location monitoring. We have found that App to be a battery killer and cumbersome. Google maps now allows you to share your location temporarily or permanently and it is very minimalistic and not a battery drainer. In the app click on the hamburger of dots on the left side and activate “Location Sharing” Hit the little person icon with the plus sign and follow instructions. We try and share several internet safety tips like this every week on social media. follow us @fortsafety

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#19

I have installed it on my 12 and 10 year olds iPads. Apparently my 10 year old discovered pornhub!!! So for some reason Bark app isn’t monitoring his correctly which makes me mad!!! It’s frustrating and sad that these things are so easy for kids to access. And the content my son has now been exposed to is incredibly disturbing. Now I have to have a conversation with my 10 year old about things he shouldn’t have a clue about. And sadly I cannot trust his father to do as much, at least in serious mature matter. We are divorced and he had a porn addiction himself. Any advice how to have this conversation? Any ideas why Bark isn’t triggering any alerts from this? I have all the settings on “strict”.

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#20

Hi, @mrscorey1. My sons are near yours’ ages (13 & 10), so I can only imagine what you’re feeling right now having discovered they are accessing this content. Hugs! If you’re having trouble with your iPad monitoring from Bark, please have a look at these steps to ensure all is working correctly.

It’s important to note that Bark monitors and alerts you to possible concerns, however it is not a parent restriction service. Have you set up iOS Screen Time (parent settings) to help in preventing access to adult content? Here’s how.

You might also find these tips helpful in having that tough conversation.

The Bark team is more than happy to help and ensure all is properly set up and monitoring. We’re available 7 days a week; please reach us by emailing help@bark.us any time, or you may also reach us here. Thank you!