16 year old daughter is not pleased I want to take tech at bedtime

I’ve read the studies and done my own testing with my now 16 year old daughter and bottom line for me is technology including smart phones and computers doesn’t live in the bedroom. Period. A standard alarm clock wakes her. And What I have noticed is that her morning disposition is better, her overall attitude is better, and we see a clear difference about her attitude toward technology. And without saying it but watching her sometimes debate the issue for a “special nigh” we see relief in her when we say no and it frees her to rest with no guilt and no interruptions. And we even see in the occasional message that comes in from friends after her curfew that they know she will not answer until the morning. It has definitely changed things for the better. I think they simply can’t resist the temptation to just peek or continue on after hours. Just my two bits…


I take my 16 year olds phone at night. Let’s her sleep. So shes not staring at it all night. Plus bad things seem to happen after hours when their just laying in bed talking to whoever. I take my 11 year olds too. He needs sleep. And I go through it as I feel necessary to make sure everything is ok and they are not talking to anyone we dont approve of. Make it a rule! You will sleep better. And they will be less cranky!

I have the time restrictions on my daughter’s iPhone but when that time comes, she gets a pop up window that gives her the option of ignoring the limit. I’m not sure how to prevent that. A condition to her getting a phone was that it is never in her phone overnight.

one easy and relatively inexpensive approach is to allow them to have an echo dot in their room. this lets them play music and set alarms and answer simple questions that come up, without a screen in the room.

In my house, minors don’t have the privilege of privacy. Daughter made poor choices in social media and phone got taken away for 4 years after 2 years. I could care less whether she liked it or not. She is 16 now and just got it back. My son is 13 and received one because we want to give him the opportunity to show responsibility. No phones in bedrooms or bathrooms. They are locked automatically with another program and they charge in my room. I am taking a step with them towards being responsible humans and making good decisions. I sat with them and talked about DOs and DONTs and how Bark and other monitors work. They are fully aware. However, at the end of the day, I AM MOM. Enough said :slight_smile:

What program do you use to lock their phones? and if it locks them could they just keep them locked in their rooms. I am looking for a way around the nightly battle of taking phones.

Family Link with Google. It’s free. It offers other parental controls. I like Bark for the monitoring.

How do you get notified when your daughter gets texts late at night? I would like to monitor my 17-year-old and my 11-year-old this way.

I have been using Bark and Google Family link on my 14 year old sons phone and it’s supposed to lock at bedtime but I discovered through a bark notification that he used it after it should have been locked. Does anyone know how he got around the lock?. I’m afraid to give him back his phone if he can just get around my boundaries.

You need to set up a screen time passcode

Hi! We don’t allow our 13 year old to have electronics In bedroom at night either because it’s a huge distraction for going to sleep and she can’t wake up in the morning on time if she does. She is not a morning person to begin with so to have her even more tired is just making things worse. We have agreement about no electronics in bedroom at night or while eating meals and we follow the same rules. We also use slcreentime should she wake up in middle of night and goes down stairs to check her phone which is rare. Don’t budge. Also do it for any age. they will be used to it! Its a life lesson for kids to understand that there are things in this world they will not like and have to accept that.

As a children’s counselor and mom of four (who also doesn’t allow electronics in rooms overnight), my response would go something like this:
I know it’s frustrating and appears unfair to you for me to make this change nevertheless, this is the family rule. I love you and my job is to keep you safe and healthy and part of doing that is making informed decisions. I won’t be changing my mind.

Also my kids phone are straight talk phones and in a month to month plan so I made a contract with my kids (they helped create) and had them sign that I would pay for the phones as long as they paid in services to the family in the form of chores and kept the rules laid out around the phones. They know each month I can make the choice whether or not to renew depending on their compliance with the contract. So far it’s worked well! Good luck.

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How do you disable the apps? I would like to do that for my son’s phone

Hi @Ashley_Mc_Kenzie! Welcome to the community!

You may find value in the Barkomatic, our interactive website that allows you to enter all of the technology and devices your child uses (including setting restrictions for apps, etc.), and receive all of the parental restriction instructions in one convenient location to help keep them safer online.

Please reach out to us any time if we may be of assistance to you. We are here to help!

I haven’t let my daughter have a cell phone in her room at night ever. It is just to much temptation. She turns 17 in a few days.

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We have a rule that phones are only allowed in the livingroom and kitchen. They don’t get an explanation. Phones are off and put away an hour before each one’s bedtime. There are studies that prove the sleep cycles are disrupted by phones.
There’s rooms are for sleeping and the light of a phone as well as interruptions to sleep are not acceptable to stay healthy as a child or teen.
We have many rules about phones and the kids don’t always get an explanation for why. Some of it is simply health and relationships and that ok if they don’t understand.

I no longer leave the phone in the rooms form alarm purposes. I got her an alarm clock for that. I was so surprise to find out even with the screen time i set up for 8pm shutoff that there are ways to go around that by going into the settings of the phone and by manually changing the clock. It takes like 2 minutes to do, ugh!!! I found out with i was speaking with my phone provides and she told me the times the phone was being used. I was in shock because I knew I had screen time. So I went to YouTube and search and there it was with instructions simple enough for a 4 year old! I was disappointed needless to say. But moving forward for peace of mind all electronics are in my room at night!

Yup they can ignore it a few times but I don’t know how much exactly, which will still give there more times. My solution to that issues was place the phone in my room as soon as the agreed time was set! Period! No more stress for me.

I have done this with my fourteen and sixteen year old. It is challenging but they are getting used to it. If I go to bed early, say, at 9 pm, and they say, “What are we going to do now”? since they have to bring their devices to my room then, I tell them that they would ask that question is proof that it is important to have time away, so they can live their lives…thinking of new thing to do, not just accustomed to screen time. Good luck. Be prepared for a fight, with patience, smiles and love, positive conversation, and also limiting endless conversation about it.

teen turned off phones/devices go on chargers in parents bedroom. no other way

besides it being the best thing for the teens, it also helps stop fighting between parents. (because if one parent goes to bed before another, then parent staying up feels like they have to fight with teen every night to enforce rules)