16 year old daughter is not pleased I want to take tech at bedtime

#1

“I have a 12, and 16 yr. old. I am thinking about taking all the phones and technology out of their rooms before they go to bed. My 16 yr. is not pleased and argued, that we have the circle? Why do I need to take her phone and computer? She likes to listen to music in the am. However, is rarely on time in the am. I would love to hear from parents with children close to the same age or have gone through similar situations. Any thoughts, ideas, suggestions are welcome.”

:star: Original post here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentinggeeks/permalink/245258586104189/

#2

“No technology in rooms at night in our house. Studies have shown it disturbs sleep and even if my kids aren’t on, too many of their friends are texting and Snapchatting well past midnight - they both have Alexa for music and alarm clocks. It works just fine with their laptops and phones downstairs on the charging station.”

:star: Original post here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/parentinggeeks/permalink/245258586104189/

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#6

My daughter is 15 and my son is 13. We do not allow phones in their rooms at bedtime, we either lock it up in a spare bedroom to charge or they charge in our room. My daughter is a competitive swimmer and has to get up ~3:45 for morning practice and many of her friends text until midnight or later, so this was a non-starter for us. While she complained in the beginning, she quickly became adjusted to the change.

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#7

I dont understand why this is a negotiation. You’re the parent. Kids can be displeased all they want. Like someone mentioned, EMF’s from the phones near the bed are more disruptive than anything. If you have circle, disable all activity at a time you designate. Stop negotiating with your children. You’re making decisions in their best interests.

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#8

I have 17 & 13 year old girls and we make them put their phones on the chargers in our room. That way they can’t be sneaking around to look at them or take them back to their rooms. And our rules are they can’t have them in the morning till they are completely ready for school.

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#9

Great advice here. I disable the features on my 15 yr olds phone at 8:45p because her bed time is 9p. The only reason I don’t take the phone is because she uses it as an alarm for her 5:30a wake up. You don’t owe your kids an explanation, do what you think is best for them… and no one who lives rent free has the right to argue with decisions :wink:

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#11

Cell phones, tablets and computers go downstairs at bedtime and are disabled. We use amazon echos as an alarm. Just get her a cheap alarm or do something like i do. The echo allows music and an alarm (which I’m able to make sure is on through my app on my phone). Kids don’t need phones when they’re supposed to be sleeping. I don’t care if mine don’t like it. I’m their mom, not their friend. Nothing good happens after bed time. I’m grateful to bark for catching some off color things :woman_shrugging:t3:

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#12

My kids are the same age as yours. I guess I am blessed my daughter is fast asleep by 10 and up at 6. Her phone texting stops and I get notified when she gets late night text or calls. My 12 yr old son is a different story. He gets late night texts and calls. I have to pull his technology or he would stay up all night.

#13

I understand your struggle. Kids have a hard time understanding why their phones cannot be in their rooms at bedtime. You will need to explain to them your reasons.

My 16, and 13 yr. old girls take their phones downstairs before going to bed. This was a fight for my 13 yr. old, more than my 16, but it’s now the norm.

On the weekends, they can keep the phones in their rooms at bedtime.

#14

I wouldn’t let my kid ether

#15

Agree! Take the phone and she
/he can have it back in the morning! We should be in control not them … it’s so hard

#16

I agree with parents that say “you’re the parent”, however I want to applaud you for considering her view. That shows that you respect she’s a person. My daughters are 10 and 14. We don’t let any devices upstairs where their bedrooms are at anytime of day. At night devices charge in our bedroom.

This is a decision based off of research and health. You understand her concern, but this a decision you are making for health and safety. My daughter gets mad at me all the time, but eventually she accepts it. Its hard and I buy myself Starbucks drink to reward myself as I deal with her inevitable grumbling for making the hard but right choice for her. :wink: Her 26 year old self won’t be mad…just remind yourself of that.

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#17

My 13 yr old turns in her phone at 6:30 on school nights. She can check it for a few minutes before bed in my room.

She is limited to her phone for a few hours only on weekends.

They need human interaction & parental guidance. They already learn so much from social and friends.

She’s fine with it. She tries to explain she’s like it for an alarm but we have Alexa for that.

#18

I did exactly this with my thirteen and fifteen year old and while they screamed about it for two weeks, they both sleep better, neither of them are late for the bus anymore, and they dont get involved in weird drama late at night that keeps them up. It was a good decision for us. They tend to befriend people with lots of personal issues and feel as though a friend calling in need takes precedence over their own needs. Taking the choice away from them has kept them out of so much drama, too. As far as I can tell its the kids sitting on their phones late at night who are online being bullies or needing advice that my kids aren’t capable of giving. They can’t give bad advice about so and so’s breakup and explode relationships if they aren’t allowed on their phone after 7. Homework is getting done, chores are getting done, their attitudes are better, they even sleep more. I haven’t seen a single reason to redact this time frame and give them back their phones.

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#19

My 13 yo son has to have my old iPhone that I am letting him use (aka NOT “his”) charging on my nightstand every night before bed. If he “forgets” he loses the phone for a week.

#20

What do you use to disable features?

#21

It’s a feature on the iPhone. I go to Settings, Screen Time, click her name (because she’s on my family plan) set downtime and restrict access

#22

Definitely agree that devices do not belong in bedrooms at night. Glad to see so many parents agree. And to be honest, we don’t even let them use them as an alarm. Or in the am before school. Ready early? Go for a walk or read a book.
There are old fashioned alarms that work just fine. My daughter is pushing 16 (we also have 10 and 12 year olds) and we have never let them in bedroom over night and never will. I think the sooner you implement it, the quicker they will adjust and move on to another complaint. lol.

#23

My daughter is 11 with her first iPhone. I have set up family sharing with her phone. She gets to keep her phone in her room but at 8:30pm on school nights it locks and she can’t use it until it comes back on at 6am. On weekends she is locked out from 10:30pm to 8am. I have set up a few family members she can call if an emergency during lock down time. I also have daily screen time limits. When her screen time is up the phone locks. She can ask for more time and I can approve or deny it. Along with bark this has worked well for me. I have told her it is a privilege and not a necessity.

#24

I have four boys from 11 to 16 and it’s just plain and simple no electronics in the bedroom. I keep phones and school chrombooks in my bedroom. Windows 10 has fantastic family features and they can’t log in after certain time frames. If caught with devices they loose them. My older boys have two many friends that get on social media sites at all hours of night and talk about how they can’t sleep or suicidal thoughts. There is 0 need for this stuff in your kids bedroom. Same for a TV and game platforms.

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